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Capo 2nd fret G January 2nd, 1993, C D G I woke up near the end of another century. C G Feeling fit and fine and ready to play, A7 D7 And this is how I start my day: G I put some I Can't Believe It's Not Butter C G On my low-cal, no-cholesterol bread, C G Took some eggs out of the fridge, but put 'em back, A7 D7 Scrambled up a couple Egg Beaters instead. G I put some Equal and Cremora in my decaf, C G Drank it from a styrofoam cup, C G Then I put on my extra strength lubricated condom - D G Yo baby, I'm ready for love! C Nothing's real anymore. G Nothing tastes the way it did before. D Nothing feels the way it felt, D7 Nothing smells the way it smelt, G Nothing's real anymore. C Nothing's real anymore, G Nothing seems the way it was before. D And it really is pathetic, D7 Life and love are all synthetic, G Nothing's real anymore.
After safe sex, instead of cigarettes,
We laid back and shared some nicotine gum,
And I poured us two non-alcoholic brews;
She said, "Ooh, how humdrum my life has become!"
When I blamed my mood on her silicone boobs,
She screamed that she wanted me gone.
I threw some Dacron shirts in my Naugahyde bag,
And went to sleep out on the AstroTurf lawn.
Nothing's real anymore.
Nothing is the way it was before.
Nothing feels the way it felt,
Nothing smells the way it smelt,
Nothing's real anymore.
Nothing's real anymore,
Nothing works the way it did before.
And it really is pathetic,
Life and love are all synthetic,
Nothing's real anymore.
(Words and music by Shel Silverstein, 1993)
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